What is a Husband in 2012?
In my early 20’s before my husband and I were married, there were signs that he may not be husband material. Why did I still marry him knowing he was not ready to be a husband? Love can be blind, but what was the real issue here?
It was the 4th of July 1998, we were headed to his family’s barbeque. As I strapped my five month old son in, I was anticipating all the fuss over him because his 4th of July outfit was super cute. Shortly after we arrived. I presented the peach cobbler dessert I made by special request for the occasion. His family & I exchanged our warm hellos. The men retreated to the grill in the backyard, and the women prepared the dining room for the meal. Not long after being outside David (ex-husband) comes back in and does a quick assessment of the kitchen and returns back outside. Dave’s quick glance led my mind to wander what he was up to. Not even a minute later I catch a glimpse of an unfamiliar car pulling up out front. Next thing I know, I see David greeting a woman and directing her to the side of the house toward the back yard. My mind started going in a million different directions. Who is she, a cousin, family friend, neighbor, and why didn’t she come in the front door like everybody else? But, I let it go for the moment because I figured at some point she would come in to finish saying hello to the rest of the family. So at that point all my questions would be answered. I also knew there was no possible way that David would be so bold as to bring another woman to the house with myself and all of the family there. After awhile, it finally dawned on me that she never made her way inside. I looked out the patio door to locate her, but she was no longer there. Remaining calm, heart beating fast, I calmly walked to the front window to locate the car but it was gone. What really happened puzzled my mind for the rest of the night. Later that night when we were alone I decided to end my curiosity and confront Dave. Who was she and where did she go, why was she here? Was she his guest? At first he played dumb, what girl? Oh, you talking about Monica, she just stopped by to say hello. I asked why she didn’t come in. She was pressed for time. He never admitted to anything, it was no big deal in his eyes, and wanted the subject dropped. Not long after, he dropped to his knee’s to take the night in a different direction.
I wasn’t ready to accept the truth as I knew it deep down inside. It would have turned my world upside down. We had a new baby and I was in love. Reflecting now makes me think about what his perception of me was then, and how he could think his response to my question or his behavior that day was acceptable.
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